Slipknot’s iconic percussionist and also the American musician who is the co-founder of the band, Shawn ‘Clown’ Crahan, was the latest guest of Metal Hammer and talked about how hard times he had after losing his father.

As you might already know, Clown videotaped himself scooping out his dad’s ashes with a $4.99 snow shovel. Unfortunately, he has lost his 22-year-old daughter, Alexandria Crahan-Conway, because of a possible drug overdose.

While he had really hard days after these incidents, Clown has recalled the days he lots his father and what he did to to make his dad live forever. He also unveiled the moments that her mother crawled into the coffin with him when she was saying goodbye to him.

Here is what he said:

“They were pieces of my dad’s skull, and on the other side was an imprint of his brain that was left after it boiled off. I kept one of the skull pieces because I thought it would be good for my art.

I don’t know why I put myself through that, but I know I had to, and it made me feel so good to be down there picking him up and blowing the dust off my hands. I was like, ‘Dude, this is fucking real.’

I just wanted to make my dad live forever because I came from his nutsack, and he gave me so much. And I answered my confusion in the process.”

He continued:

“I watched my mom try to crawl into the coffin with him when she was saying goodbye to him. He was all pumped up with embalming fluid, and I just sat there, going, ‘Dad, in 30 minutes, I’m gonna free you of all this shit.’

It’s not weirdo shit. I’m not a sicko. I just want to know. I got questions, and I gotta find answers. I mean, he’s dead. I’ve already downloaded that.

I’m not bringing him back. But I gotta live on and, to me, that’s the most beautiful thing on the DVD because I got closure, and now it’s done.”

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