Nirvana’s Kurt Cobain is famous for his angst-fueled songwriting, anti-establishment persona, and depression. Freddie Mercury was, on the other hand, known for his energetic personality filled with the joy of living. These differences were the main reasons the Nirvana singer decided to name the Queen frontman in his suicide note. Mercury had what Kurt Cobain lacked.
Kurt Cobain Passed Away At 27
Cobain was struggling with mental health issues on top of his substance addiction. The singer was suicidal and attempted to kill himself multiple times. He was immediately rushed to the hospital and received treatment for five days. He was released, returned to his house, and entered rehab.
Cobain then escaped from the rehabilitation center, took a taxi to Los Angeles Airport, and flew back to Seattle. Everybody was looking for the singer, but his body was discovered at his home by an electrician on April 8, 1994. It later turned out Cobain killed himself with a shotgun on April 5 with heroin in his blood. The singer left a suicide note behind, and it has multiple things that need a deeper look.
Cobain Was Jealous of Freddie Mercury
The suicide note was addressed to Kurt Cobain’s childhood imaginary friend Boddah. The musician mainly complained about not feeling the excitement he used to feel from making music. His music was the only connection he had with the world, and the lack of satisfaction consumed his will to live.
Cobain didn’t feel the excitement he did before when he left the stage after a show. He mentioned Freddie Mercury for comparison as the Queen singer always appreciated the love he received from the audience. The Nirvana frontman admitted being jealous of how the crowd inspired Mercury, and this lack of rush affected his state of mind so profoundly that he killed himself.
The part that included Freddie Mercury reads:
“For example, when we’re backstage and the lights go out, and the manic roar of the crowds begins, it doesn’t affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy.
The fact is, I can’t fool you, any one of you. It simply isn’t fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I’m having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me, I do, but it’s not enough).”
There must be countless reasons behind his decision to end his life, but it appears Cobain wasn’t enjoying the most important asset of his life — music. According to his note, Cobain envied Mercury as he couldn’t pretend to be having fun on and off stage.
