Valerie Bertinelli recently addressed the backlash she received after sharing a tribute to her late ex-husband, Eddie Van Halen, on the sixth anniversary of his death, in a video message posted on Instagram.
In her message, Bertinelli explained how she has learned to handle criticism regarding her posts about Eddie and spoke about her experiences with coercive control in past relationships.
“It does not take long for me to get a lot of pushback when I post a picture of me and Ed,” Bertinelli said. “Used to really bother me. It does not. Not any longer, because I learned a lot.”
She went on to describe the subtle and manipulative nature of coercive control, explaining how it affects a person’s actions and feelings.
“For anybody that’s been through coercive control, you’ll understand what I’m about to say,” she continued. “And if you haven’t been through it, God bless you. You’re so lucky. So they never quite say the words, ‘You’re not allowed to love your ex-husband. That’s ridiculous. You can’t love him.’ No, they never quite say that. But they will berate you and berate you for months, make you think you’re crazy, until you finally say, ‘Okay, fine, I don’t love him.’ They will never say the words, ‘You cannot go to your son’s concert.’ But when you do, they will make that night miserable. They will never say, ‘Take that picture down, the one of your ex-husband, along with you and your son in better days.’ They’ll never say, ‘Take it down.’ But they are obsessed, say all kinds of f*cked up shit, until you take the picture down.”
Bertinelli reflected on how insidious this behavior is and emphasized that she has reclaimed control over her own feelings.
“Coercive control is insidious and it’s soul-breaking, and I cannot believe that I f*cking fell for it,” she added. “But see, I learned a lot, and you can’t tell me how I feel. Nobody can tell you how you feel.”
She concluded by sharing how much love her heart can hold, affirming that her love for Eddie does not diminish her capacity to love others.
“My heart can hold a lot of love,” Bertinelli said. “I have a big piece right here that’s got Ed’s name all over it, and Wolfie’s name, and my daughter-in-law, and my brother, and my cats, and my girlfriends, and all the people that I love in my life. My heart can hold it all, and if I ever fall in love again, I’ll make room in my heart for that new person, without it touching the love I have for Ed, my son, my daughter-in-law, all the people that I love. Your heart opens up because your heart can hold a lot of love. All of our hearts can. So you can’t bother me. I love Ed. Never stopped loving Ed. And my heart loves a lot.”
This video message serves as a powerful response to critics, showing that Bertinelli remains steadfast in honoring her late ex-husband’s memory.
Bertinelli’s message comes six years after Van Halen’s death, and she has been open about the history of their relationship and its complicated nature throughout that time.
Bertinelli and Eddie Van Halen married in 1981, separated in 2001, and finalized their divorce in 2007. The former couple shared one son, Wolfgang Van Halen, who was born in March 1991, and they remained connected through their family even after the marriage ended.
Eddie Van Halen died on October 6, 2020, at the age of 65 following a lengthy battle with cancer. Coverage of her earlier tributes quoted Bertinelli saying of him, “You gave me the one true light in my life, our son, Wolfgang.”
Bertinelli has also spoken about the reasons behind the end of her marriage to the late guitarist. “One of the many reasons that Ed and I split up is to give Wolfie a better vision of what two people who are supposedly in love treat each other like,” she said.
In her newly released memoir, Bertinelli revealed that she was at Van Halen’s side in his final moments. “My final words to him when he was taking his last breath in the hospital were, ‘I love you,'” she wrote.
Bertinelli has also discussed the emotional toll of her later marriage and divorce from Tom Vitale, describing the relationship in terms tied to coercive control and emotional abuse — the same theme she addressed in her new video message.
